Worklife Balance - The Art of Balancing Yourself

The stress we face at work and home has been increasing only over the past 15 years, not that it was much less before.  Because of the late hours, working lunches, extended working weekends, and family responsibilities, it's very difficult for folks to find the time to wind down. What aggravates the problem is that many people are caught up in jobs they don't really like doing and delivering results by putting in extra hours like never before.

This has increased over the past four years because the lockdown and the mandatory work from home policy blurred the lines between work and home. Achieving work-life balance seems to be an impossible dream, for most of us.

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For clarity - here's a basic definition of work-life balance from Google - "the division of one's time and focus between working and family or leisure activities."

With organizations competing heavily for growth, employees at all levels of organization are being pushed harder than ever before. Some days, you feel it's better to stay in bed and switch off the wi-fi and phone. 

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Worse - it can lead to a feeling that you are stuck (due to a variety of reasons, particularly financial reasons).

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There's a lot of literature about work-life balance available online and in books.  Managing the stress that one goes through (at home or at work) is a key theme.  Meditation, diet and exercise are frequently prescribed and they are all effective to the extent that the employee is able to carve out the time to do it diligently. Most don't work on the root cause.

I also like the idea from Marcus Buckingham of doing more of what you love and less of what you don't enjoy. This would have the effect of unbalancing yourself in the direction of the things that you enjoy doing.  Of course, easier said than done, but nevertheless, it is definitely worth attempting. A lot of artists, athletes, business and corporate folk have managed to do this. The example of Mr. Piyush Pandey from the Advertising world comes to mind.

I've an additional viewpoint to offer. 

When I was in the corporate world, there were many days when we worked late in the office, leaving only around 8 pm. I used to sing regularly with my church choir at the time. We would have practices on two weekdays that began and ended late since the singers were all working people.  I recall many days when I attended practices though I was extremely tired from the office day.  

Instead of being exhausted on returning home, I would find that I was energized.  I checked with other singers who also confirmed similar feelings and experiences.  Subsequently, I spoke to other people at work, asking them how they unwound from a tiring day or week.  Each of them had different methds or activities - from listening to music, playing with their pets, going for a long walk or even a jog at night, giving attention to the family members (including kids), working on their hobbies maybe twice or thrice a week, each of which contributed to improving the way they felt about themselves.  

Whatever activity they chose allowed them to use some of their talents that weren't being used sufficiently (or at all) at work.  Sometimes, of course, there was a similarity.

Here's my understanding of this:

We humans are a mix of structured and creative ways of being.  Most of us prefer to have a structured routine on a daily basis, with a few minor changes, because it gives us a sense of comfort. 

All of us are endowed with both skills for both structure and creativity.  Some are wired more towards one side, and our upbringing, education and circumstances (environment) along with our own decisions play a major role in which side we end up using, along with the line of work we choose. 

However, most of our jobs are demanding in a manner that requires us to work in an extremely structured manner in a strongly regulated internal (within the organization) environment that interfaces and interacts with an external environment where regular flux is the name of the game.  This flux increases our work pressure and our stress.  It is compounded by the reality that a solution that worked yesterday (or earlier) will not work sufficiently or as effectively today, and may be completely irrelevant tomorrow. Our jobs also require us to spend extended hours at work on a daily basis, and with remote work, the lines between home and work are quite blurred.  This makes it difficult for us to switch off from work and, has increased the amount of stress we go through.

So what should we be doing to balance ourselves? Here are my suggestions:

• Spend time knowing (really getting to know) your strengths.  You can do this by using a validated psychometric assessment, hire a Strengths Strategy Coach like me and / or getting feedback from people who know you well enough to be honest with you.
• Think about the hobbies where you spent a lot of time while growing up. Identify those hobbies where time just flew by while you were doing it and enjoying it. This would mean that these hobbies are aligned with your strengths.
• Look for opportunities to bring at least two of those hobbies into your current schedule.  This could be daily, weekly, fortnightly. These hobbies shouldn't be easy and should possess a degree of challenge that is sufficient for you to access the Flow Zone.
• Any activity that is less than that frequency would not help you to reduce stress much. Some of my friends who still make time to play football or other physical sports. Others cook meals for their family on Sundays. I sing in my church choir at least twice a month.
• Guard this schedule zealously and jealously, as much as you can.
• Figure out how you could be paid money to do one or more the things you enjoy, so that it becomes your fulltime career and job, instead of something in your spare time.  I have helped my clients make this happen for them and they have more satisfied careers and less stressed lives.
• Initiate a discussion with your reporting manager and HR to plan how to use your strengths more in your job.  I know this is difficult, but it's worth a try.

By doing these things, you stand a better chance of balancing yourself and achieving your work-life balance. 

In the corporate world, the HR team and line managers can look at hiring people based on their strengths so that they will be more engaged while at work.

Want to know more about Balancing Yourself by Using Your Strengths or Identifying a Career based on your strengths? Write to me at ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call on +919820155778 for a discussion.

When Your Calling Doesn’t Call: What Do You Do Without a Life Passion?

Interesting headline? Read on... 

“If we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up, is there something fundamentally wrong with us?”

Following our joy, chasing our bliss, finding our dharma: these are good things, right? We want to be like the heroic people who gave up the security of some well-paying 9-to-5 in order to move to Greece and start a goat farm that can power a small village. Amazing, right? Let’s all follow our passions!

But what if we don’t have one? What if there’s nothing in particular we’d want to give up our steady paycheck for? What if we care about living a meaningful life but don’t know what, exactly, that would look like?

If you feel this way, you’re not alone. The people that turned their passions into lucrative careers are happy to toot their own horns about it, and loudly. But most of us aren’t doing that. We haven’t found our calling, so we keep waiting for the phone to ring. We join the circus or buy a mobile home to sell our jewelry out of, and for a while, it feels like a life calling. It feels meaningful and important. Then, after a while, exhausted from working too hard and making too little, we realize that we’re bored and frustrated and maybe we’re not in love with what we thought was our calling anymore. Turns out the call was just spam.

Then we start to wonder: If we don’t know what we want to be when we grow up, is there something fundamentally wrong with us?

There isn’t. It’s a myth that we all have some single grand life passion that we must be following or we’re living some pale, flaccid version of life. It’s as mythological as the idea of The One for romantic love.

Read the rest of this fascinating article here.

While you do that, I advocate that you should identify a Purpose that aligns with your strengths. This purpose is not written in stone - meaning, you can change it whenever you like, or even have more than one Purpose at a time. I support my Strengths-based career coaching clients in this journey.

If you want to know how to do this, contact me on +919820155778 or write to ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com for a discussion.

How You build Accountability as a Leader?

 First - you set an example by showing how you are accountable in your role. 

Next - you set expectations according to the capability of your team and the results you need. Applying the Situational Leadership Model is an excellent way to do this. (Ask me how)

Then - convey your willingness to listen to suggestions from them. Allow them this facility so that both they and you can learn, even if you already know a better way. If you have to reject their ideas, please do provide a clear explanation. This will allow the team to grow confidence & share ideas that will benefit the department & organization. 

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Finally - set up formal review dates and times, along with the option for your team to come to you anytime for clarifications / updates / emergencies.  Informally, talk to the team everyday (morning or evening as per their convenience) so that you and the team are on the same page.

This question came up on LinkedIn and I am one of the people who contributed to it.  You can view it here.   

Why I answered it like this? - because leaders get best results when they lead by example. 

What it means to lead by example? "QBQ - The Question Behind the Question" is the name of a great book by John G. Miller where he describes personal accountability in clear terms.  I have used his wisdom in workshops (with positive results) where Personal Accountability is part of the topics to be covered. Do check it out.  Disclaimer- I don't earn from endorsement of the book.  I am just recommending a great resource to those who want to improve their personal accountability. 

Want to improve leadership skills in your organization? Let's talk. Connect with me on +919820155778 

Session learnings and Feedback - Strengths-based Resume Writing

Extremely happy to have conducted two sessions on Strengths-based Resume Writing and Interview Preparation for the students of R.A. Podar College in Matunga (E), Mumbai.

Approximately 170 students were covered in two separate three-hour batches conducted over 2 days.

Here is the feedback for both days.

This is where they have stated how they feel about writing their own Strength-based Resume after attending my session.

What they will apply from the sessions-

Extremely grateful to Ruta Vyas and the management at R.A. Podar College for the opportunity.

Do connect with me to conduct such sessions for students.

If you want personalized individual coaching for writing your resume or preparing for interviews, please do write to me at ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call on +919820155778 for a discussion.

Action from The Selection Discussion - Finding the Right Fit

Just completed a customized two-day workshop on designing behavioural and competency behavioural questions for a logistics organization to sharpen and focus their hiring practice.  This is part of an overall change management initiative. The participants included the management team and a few direct reports in addition to HR.

They all participated fully by asking questions, sharing their viewpoints and taking part in the discussions that were designed.  Some topics covered were:

• Making the interview a positive experience
• Articulating the behaviours that indicate the culture
• Designing Competency based and Behavioural Event Interview Questions
• Improving the quality of hiring decisions

Here are some images from the action.

Plenary discussion of non negotiable behaviours that contravene organization culture norms.

Learnings from 2 days

I'm extremely grateful to the organization for the opportunity.  The workshop went well because of the active participation of the audience.

Please do contact me on +919820155778 or ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com if you want to have a conversation about such workshops for your organization.

Facweek 2023 - Learnings from Unboxing Microaggression session

 It was a pleasure to conduct this facilitated session for the International Association of Facilitators during Facilitation Week for a corporate in Delhi.  

Here's what the participants are looking to apply:

Gratitude to IAF (International Association of Facilitators) for the opportunity.

Please do connect with me for experiential workshops on this and other topics for your organization.

The Recipe for Effective and Long-term Collaboration

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Have you ever watched a movie with friends, and then later realize that each of you liked and disliked different parts of the same movie that you just saw together, at the same time in the same place?  A similar thing happens with real life people. Have you wondered what causes this difference of opinion? I am sure you noticed that this happens in other areas of life too, including the workplace.  Well, you are not alone in this.  Have a look at this snippet from the world of tennis.

From Facebook - "US Open 1981 final...who thought it would be their last match? McEnroe wrote in his book he could not motivate himself for 2 years after Borg quit. He tried to persuade Borg to comback. When Borg was in Chennai in Feb 2023,he was asked about his rivalry with John in a press meet. Borg recalled the interaction he had with McEnroe in 1982 and 1983. This is what Borg said.

"When I stepped away from the game, I was very young. I played an exhibition in Tokyo. John came to me and said, ‘You cannot stop playing tennis.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘No. Because I need you there!’ ‘But I don’t wanna play!"
“But he was always pushing me because I think, as long as I was there, he was pushing (himself). He liked it, he enjoyed it very much and that was very important for him. And he was very sad, disappointed. And he called me year later and said, ‘You sure you not going to come back to tennis again?’ ‘I’m sure. John. Listen, you do your things. I do my things.’

A similar sentiment was expressed by Freddie Mercury in the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" when he said that while his solo career was successful, he missed the pushback from the Queen band members when they were writing songs. This pushback helped them deliver some of the best music that has stood the test of time.

If you think about it, this is not unusual at all. You would find this kind of team behaviour mentioned in the Storming, Norming and Performing stages of the Tuckman Stages of Group Development model. Every team tends to go through all the stages. Looking at the Storming stage, team members start to display more of their true selves and their differences while working together, which can lead to conflicts.  In the Norming stage, the team members have worked through their differences and establish some consensus (norms) about what and how things will be done.  There may still be disagreements, but are unlikely to derail the work.  In the Performing stage, the team members understand and accept each other better, enabling them to deliver great performance.  These stages aren't linear and team members are likely to revert to the earlier stages in case of new projects, disagreements or changes in leadership. As the leader or team member, the model will help you understand the stage that your team is in, thus enabling you to make relevant adjustments in your behaviour. You can read more details about the model here - https://hr.mit.edu/learning-topics/teams/articles/stages-development

I have seen this kind of scenario in other situations too. I've learnt that it's important because if you don't have someone who is good enough or better than you to work with, then you cannot improve more than what your mind comes up with.  We know that the seven colours of the rainbow combine to give us many more colours. Similarly, the mind gets it's ideas and inspiration from the points of view that are different / unique / contrary more than the homogeneous.

This absolutely drives home the need for interacting and being with people from diverse  ways of thinking.  We have diverse ways looking at the world and making our strengths come to life (i.e. using them) because we come from different homes, cultures, education, experiences and upbringing which have combined to give us a unique worldview.  This is a practice followed by masters through the ages. Most of the time, however, we're not fully aware that we're doing this.

Could this be because we tend to see things as we are, not as they exist in reality?

So, we must first accept that there are things we prefer to do and things we prefer to NOT do - not try to do everything.  NEXT we have to identify them. If we are able to identify and filter out some of the censorship that is invariably there (fear-driven, cautious behaviour from our Imposter Syndrome being a key culprit) that exists in our minds, we give ourselves the opportunity of asking "why not" or "how about" and exploring possibilities while experimenting with different ways of doing things.  You will find your tasks / work sparking into experiences filled with fresh learning and success.

As a strengths strategy coach, I help teams understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and enable them to build the necessary synergy (and engagement) for creating magic at work.  I use PRISM Brainmapping Inventory or the CliftonStrengths assessment as a primary aid for this.

If you want to know how to get your team to collaborate by complementing each other's weaknesses with their strengths, write to me on ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call on +91982155778.