The Recipe for Effective and Long-term Collaboration

Photo Credit: pexels-alexander-grey-1212407

Have you ever watched a movie with friends, and then later realize that each of you liked and disliked different parts of the same movie that you just saw together, at the same time in the same place?  A similar thing happens with real life people. Have you wondered what causes this difference of opinion? I am sure you noticed that this happens in other areas of life too, including the workplace.  Well, you are not alone in this.  Have a look at this snippet from the world of tennis.

From Facebook - "US Open 1981 final...who thought it would be their last match? McEnroe wrote in his book he could not motivate himself for 2 years after Borg quit. He tried to persuade Borg to comback. When Borg was in Chennai in Feb 2023,he was asked about his rivalry with John in a press meet. Borg recalled the interaction he had with McEnroe in 1982 and 1983. This is what Borg said.

"When I stepped away from the game, I was very young. I played an exhibition in Tokyo. John came to me and said, ‘You cannot stop playing tennis.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘No. Because I need you there!’ ‘But I don’t wanna play!"
“But he was always pushing me because I think, as long as I was there, he was pushing (himself). He liked it, he enjoyed it very much and that was very important for him. And he was very sad, disappointed. And he called me year later and said, ‘You sure you not going to come back to tennis again?’ ‘I’m sure. John. Listen, you do your things. I do my things.’

A similar sentiment was expressed by Freddie Mercury in the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" when he said that while his solo career was successful, he missed the pushback from the Queen band members when they were writing songs. This pushback helped them deliver some of the best music that has stood the test of time.

If you think about it, this is not unusual at all. You would find this kind of team behaviour mentioned in the Storming, Norming and Performing stages of the Tuckman Stages of Group Development model. Every team tends to go through all the stages. Looking at the Storming stage, team members start to display more of their true selves and their differences while working together, which can lead to conflicts.  In the Norming stage, the team members have worked through their differences and establish some consensus (norms) about what and how things will be done.  There may still be disagreements, but are unlikely to derail the work.  In the Performing stage, the team members understand and accept each other better, enabling them to deliver great performance.  These stages aren't linear and team members are likely to revert to the earlier stages in case of new projects, disagreements or changes in leadership. As the leader or team member, the model will help you understand the stage that your team is in, thus enabling you to make relevant adjustments in your behaviour. You can read more details about the model here - https://hr.mit.edu/learning-topics/teams/articles/stages-development

I have seen this kind of scenario in other situations too. I've learnt that it's important because if you don't have someone who is good enough or better than you to work with, then you cannot improve more than what your mind comes up with.  We know that the seven colours of the rainbow combine to give us many more colours. Similarly, the mind gets it's ideas and inspiration from the points of view that are different / unique / contrary more than the homogeneous.

This absolutely drives home the need for interacting and being with people from diverse  ways of thinking.  We have diverse ways looking at the world and making our strengths come to life (i.e. using them) because we come from different homes, cultures, education, experiences and upbringing which have combined to give us a unique worldview.  This is a practice followed by masters through the ages. Most of the time, however, we're not fully aware that we're doing this.

Could this be because we tend to see things as we are, not as they exist in reality?

So, we must first accept that there are things we prefer to do and things we prefer to NOT do - not try to do everything.  NEXT we have to identify them. If we are able to identify and filter out some of the censorship that is invariably there (fear-driven, cautious behaviour from our Imposter Syndrome being a key culprit) that exists in our minds, we give ourselves the opportunity of asking "why not" or "how about" and exploring possibilities while experimenting with different ways of doing things.  You will find your tasks / work sparking into experiences filled with fresh learning and success.

As a strengths strategy coach, I help teams understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and enable them to build the necessary synergy (and engagement) for creating magic at work.  I use PRISM Brainmapping Inventory or the CliftonStrengths assessment as a primary aid for this.

If you want to know how to get your team to collaborate by complementing each other's weaknesses with their strengths, write to me on ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call on +91982155778.