The Recipe for Effective and Long-term Collaboration

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Have you ever watched a movie with friends, and then later realize that each of you liked and disliked different parts of the same movie that you just saw together, at the same time in the same place?  A similar thing happens with real life people. Have you wondered what causes this difference of opinion? I am sure you noticed that this happens in other areas of life too, including the workplace.  Well, you are not alone in this.  Have a look at this snippet from the world of tennis.

From Facebook - "US Open 1981 final...who thought it would be their last match? McEnroe wrote in his book he could not motivate himself for 2 years after Borg quit. He tried to persuade Borg to comback. When Borg was in Chennai in Feb 2023,he was asked about his rivalry with John in a press meet. Borg recalled the interaction he had with McEnroe in 1982 and 1983. This is what Borg said.

"When I stepped away from the game, I was very young. I played an exhibition in Tokyo. John came to me and said, ‘You cannot stop playing tennis.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘No. Because I need you there!’ ‘But I don’t wanna play!"
“But he was always pushing me because I think, as long as I was there, he was pushing (himself). He liked it, he enjoyed it very much and that was very important for him. And he was very sad, disappointed. And he called me year later and said, ‘You sure you not going to come back to tennis again?’ ‘I’m sure. John. Listen, you do your things. I do my things.’

A similar sentiment was expressed by Freddie Mercury in the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody" when he said that while his solo career was successful, he missed the pushback from the Queen band members when they were writing songs. This pushback helped them deliver some of the best music that has stood the test of time.

If you think about it, this is not unusual at all. You would find this kind of team behaviour mentioned in the Storming, Norming and Performing stages of the Tuckman Stages of Group Development model. Every team tends to go through all the stages. Looking at the Storming stage, team members start to display more of their true selves and their differences while working together, which can lead to conflicts.  In the Norming stage, the team members have worked through their differences and establish some consensus (norms) about what and how things will be done.  There may still be disagreements, but are unlikely to derail the work.  In the Performing stage, the team members understand and accept each other better, enabling them to deliver great performance.  These stages aren't linear and team members are likely to revert to the earlier stages in case of new projects, disagreements or changes in leadership. As the leader or team member, the model will help you understand the stage that your team is in, thus enabling you to make relevant adjustments in your behaviour. You can read more details about the model here - https://hr.mit.edu/learning-topics/teams/articles/stages-development

I have seen this kind of scenario in other situations too. I've learnt that it's important because if you don't have someone who is good enough or better than you to work with, then you cannot improve more than what your mind comes up with.  We know that the seven colours of the rainbow combine to give us many more colours. Similarly, the mind gets it's ideas and inspiration from the points of view that are different / unique / contrary more than the homogeneous.

This absolutely drives home the need for interacting and being with people from diverse  ways of thinking.  We have diverse ways looking at the world and making our strengths come to life (i.e. using them) because we come from different homes, cultures, education, experiences and upbringing which have combined to give us a unique worldview.  This is a practice followed by masters through the ages. Most of the time, however, we're not fully aware that we're doing this.

Could this be because we tend to see things as we are, not as they exist in reality?

So, we must first accept that there are things we prefer to do and things we prefer to NOT do - not try to do everything.  NEXT we have to identify them. If we are able to identify and filter out some of the censorship that is invariably there (fear-driven, cautious behaviour from our Imposter Syndrome being a key culprit) that exists in our minds, we give ourselves the opportunity of asking "why not" or "how about" and exploring possibilities while experimenting with different ways of doing things.  You will find your tasks / work sparking into experiences filled with fresh learning and success.

As a strengths strategy coach, I help teams understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and enable them to build the necessary synergy (and engagement) for creating magic at work.  I use PRISM Brainmapping Inventory or the CliftonStrengths assessment as a primary aid for this.

If you want to know how to get your team to collaborate by complementing each other's weaknesses with their strengths, write to me on ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call on +91982155778.

 

How Strengths can combat the Imposter Syndrome

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The term 'Imposter Syndrome' has gained prominence over the past decade.  Here's a google definition of what it means:

"Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they're deserving of accolades."

This tends to manifest as an internal voice (that can grow in volume) that questions everything you do or are thinking of doing. Think of it as your personal Devil's Advocate that no one but you can hear.  It initially seems like the voice of caution. As time goes by, it becomes more nagging and persistent.  It is a great recorder of past failures and loves surfacing those memories especially when we make plans for a new future.  You might even have the song "The Great Pretender" playing as your soundtrack in the background

Here's the main problem - it distracts us from doing our best work.  It scares us when we want to take a risk.  It fills our head with thoughts of failures, being abandoned by those close to us and maintaining the status quo, thus stunting our growth.  "Who do you think you are to attempt this?", it asks us constantly.

The bad news - we can't get rid of it.  Eons of evolution have allowed us to develop cautious thinking and behaviour to a fine art till we reach a stage where many of us allow it to control every aspect of what we do.

The good news - we don't need to get rid of it because it is also quite useful.  It helps us identify and plan for potential potholes in our road ahead.  So we need to manage it by being more thorough in our research and experimentation.

In my experience and understanding, the impostor syndrome exists because of 2 reasons:

1) Our need to get things right.

2) Our fear of getting things wrong.

Both these two boil down to "What will people say?"

The complete sentence that is rarely articulated is "What will people say about us, and the result, when they see the result?". The result is that we don't take steps forward, but remain stuck, give up on our dreams and then have plenty of regrets - "What if I had tried ______?". I've seen this many times as an interviewer and as a career coach. Please note-We must be aware that these thoughts trigger feelings and emotions in the human brain that are similar to situations when we are being physically attacked. The brain can't distinguish between real attacks and perceived attacks and applies the same strategy to defend the body. The net result is that your cognitive (thinking and reasoning) abilities are reduced because blood for these areas of the brain is diverted to other organs to prepare a fight or flight response.

This behaviour related to the above two reasons is called "resulting", a term which I picked up from the superb book 'Thinking in Bets' by Annie Duke. This term refers to the time and energy we spend on deciding that is so focused on the outcome, that we don't take action or don't take appropriate action soon enough. This affects the quality of our decision and thus, our outcomes / results. It means we haven't yet developed a robust decision-making process.

Before we take decisions, and act on those decisions, the most critical thing we can do to combat Imposter Syndrome is to Know Ourselves. Without knowing yourself, you will have no idea what to do when disruption happens. You are likely to end up with a feeling of disconnection, discontent and confusion, and are likely to miss growth opportunities.

But this is a common phrase - "know yourself". It is also woefully short on actual direction or action points. Here's my thoughts about "Knowing Yourself" based on my own introspection, experiences and research:

1. Know Your Strengths (what you are really good at doing / delivering great value)
2. Know your Weaknesses (the tasks or activities that frustrate you or make you downright miserable with or without value being delivered)
3. Your Preferences (What strengths do you prefer using?)
4. Your Biases (What triggers you? This refers to external environment factors particularly other peoples' behaviour / actions that cause discomfort for you)

As you look at this list, you may realize that while you may have some awareness of the first two points, and as they are discussed a lot in the Self-development Learning space, there is generally little or no discussion on the other two points. Those are the areas that aid or trip us more than the awareness or lack thereof of our strengths and weaknesses.

What do these areas have to do with Imposter Syndrome?

• They're all reminders of who you are, and who you are NOT - as a person.
• They help you remember that you don't have much control on what happens in the outside world. This is where being aware of your biases helps tremendously. eg. I have a challenge with working with people who don't want to think on their own and expect to get spoon fed all the time. This can cause me to get angry, sarcastic and so on. To avoid my reactions, I have to carefully choose who I want to work with.
• Your strengths particularly will remind you of what you are good at and what will give you joy.
• Your weaknesses will remind you it is ok to not be good at some things and so indicate which areas you can do your best to avoid.

Keep in mind that you are developing awareness in these four areas, and it is an ongoing lifelong process.

Now you are in a better position to combat this internal voice called Imposter Syndrome. Why? Because after this exercise of Self Awareness, you can now Strategically Apply Your Strengths to do what needs to be done to achieve your goals. You will be in a better position to shut out or pay attention to the voice, take that risk, and focus particular strengths that can suit the situation to leverage your success. You can move from thinking "All this can go wrong" to thoughts that say "These are my options based on my capabilities".

Most importantly, you are gaining freedom from "what people will say", there is more confidence in your actions that is grounded in your self-knowledge, particularly your strengths.

How to develop this awareness?

Option A

1. Take feedback from trusted sources (this means that they're comfortable giving you bad news), and don't comment or justify your point of view. Simply make a note of what they offer.
2. Create action plans with the help of a Strengths Strategy Coach.

Option B

1. Take the PRISM Professional Brainmapping Inventory to understand your Behaviour Preferences, strengths and weaknesses.
2. Follow this with coaching to become aware of your biases.

Of course, this means a lot of practice, but with sufficient focus, you will be in a better position to manage the imposter and work towards your success.

Doing this regularly means that over time, you'll find the voice of the Imposter going softer and softer, as you climb from success to success.

To know about PRISM Brainmapping Inventory, visit www.prismbrainmapping,com and connect with a certified practitioner, i.e. me, on +919820155778 to know more.

Interview Prep - The Jobseeker's Search for Green Flags

If you are going to look for green flags when applying for roles, you need to do some critical prework before you research the company - on YOURSELF.

The prework is that you have to get:

1. A clear understanding of your strengths & weaknesses.
2. Clarity on what kind of work is aligned with your strengths.
3. Clarity on what kind of work environment will suit your strengths

Info on point one you can get by introspecting on feedback given to you by colleagues, peers, bosses, customers, vendors (for freshers - classmates, teachers), or through a validated psychometric assessment like the PRISM Professional report (Ask me about it, I'm a Licensed Practitioner) because:

• It's validated at 0.9 on the Crombach scale
• It is based on neuroscience and identifies our preferences without labeling us
• It covers points two & three mentioned above in vivid detail.

Thereafter, your research from GlassDoor, social networks, customer forums, industry trends. past employees if you can contact them, current employees too if possible.

Once you have all this information, create a list of top five questions that cover your key non-negotiable points.  

Practice asking these questions, instead of reading them out, since you will come across as more prepared and professional.

To know yourself through the PRISM professional and to download a sample PRISM Professional Report, please visit www.prismbrainmapping.com