And I am NOT! - How to Leverage Your Strengths for Resilience

And I am NOT!

 A seemingly innocuous line, isn't it?

 

This happens to be the last line in the graphic novel, 'Small Gods' by Sir Terry Pratchett. So let's have a little more context.

 

The line is said by the hero to (the character) Death, when he's helping the villain to cross limbo. Death is reminding the hero that the villain was an extremely bad person who hurt and tortured many people, implying that he's undeserving of such assistance. The hero acknowledges this by saying yes the villain did do all those things, and is a bad person, and I am NOT.  And the hero continues to help the villain go across limbo.

 

Since you are human and probably with access to the internet,  it's likely that you have been in a situation where someone at work or home has wronged you (in reality or as perceived by you). You probably had some strong thoughts, particularly about how to get back.  Sometimes, you actually searched and waited for the opportune moment.  Perhaps you made a comment, or refused a request, or just shared the incident with other people.  If you got sympathy from others, you felt vindicated.  As you vented, you probably felt some release and relief.

 

The problem here is that we become comfortable with this state of being because our ego is fed and happy.  It doesn’t really solve the problem, take the relationship forward or help you grow.  The ability to recover quickly from such challenges is going to be stunted.  This, after all, is not what being resilient is about.

 

Now, what if you were to say this line to yourself “And I am NOT!” during or immediately after these times of tense interactions where the need to get back at the other person in a nasty, perhaps damaging way, is particularly strong?

"And I am NOT" reminds me of who I have become, my strengths and weaknesses (and both are ok to have – which makes me OK).  It also empowers me to remember what I have given up in terms of negative behavior, and what I can do with my strengths to be resilient and thrive. 

 

What can you do to build your resilience with your strengths?

1. Know yourself completely. It's hard to attempt anything if you don't know yourself.
2. Accept yourself – the good and bad.  This is called confident vulnerability by DeAnna Murphy, my teacher and strengths mentor from Strengths Strategy Inc /People Acuity Inc.
3. Identify your emotions in the moment.
4. WAIT. Put off any reaction that may be bursting out of your mind and mouth.
5. Understand through some introspection why you are feeling this emotion.  Look for what you can learn from the incident.
6. Leveraging your strengths by strategically choosing to apply them, and deciding on a course of action.
7. Be willing to let go of the need to show yourself as better than the other.
8. Do the action in the most respectful manner you can manage.
9. Be accountable to yourself throughout this process.

Using your strengths is the best way to deal with this situation.  Here's how some of my top 10 strengths (from the CliftonStrengths assessment) work in this tense situation - 

• Intellection to reflect on my actions and the events leading up to the situation
• Analytical to make sense of the different variables that come up.
• Learner to see what I can learn from what has happened so far.
• Ideation, Relator and Individualization to look for ways to rebuild the bridge
• Self Assurance to remind me that I can control myself only and not the other person, and that it's ok if my action plan doesn't give me results.

All these strengths have to work together to give me the outcome that I desire. Yes, this isn't easy, and takes #deliberatepractice. If you are wondering why you should go through all this trouble of using your strengths to build resilience, then think of how such a course of action would positively impact your:

• Relationships (at home and the office)
• Interpersonal Effectiveness
• Decision Making
• Conflict Resolution
• Managing and guiding your team
• Employer Brand
• Personal Brand

 

If all this makes sense to you, then constantly remind yourself of who you are and Who You Are NOT!

Complete the sentence as you see fit - And I am NOT ________________

Want to know more about strategically leveraging your strengths?  Write to me for a discussion on ryanbbarretto@hotmail.com or call me at +919820155778.

What's on your Playlist?

 Ever since i-pods, and then music players came onto our mobile handsets, and then the internet streaming of audio content took off, the word "playlist" became a constant part of our lives and, if we happened to be heavily involved in the music industry, our vocabulary.

We know that a playlist is a list of video or audio files that can be played back on a media player either sequentially or in a shuffled order. In its most general form, an audio playlist is simply a list of songs, but sometimes a loop.

We have songs for when we feel good, or feel a little low, or if we want to motivate ourselves (think "Chariots of Fire' theme or Rocky movie theme) and so on. On Podcasts, you have motivational or informational talks.  

There's another playlist that has been with us for a longer time.  This playlist is not just music or podcasts, but consists of conversations. At times, they can consist quotations (said by someone we give importance to) that we are reminded of, according to our circumstances and experiences.  They could be things we have told ourselves.  The psychologists call this 'self-talk'.  I call it the 'Internal Personal Playlist'.  This image shows how it generally works on the inside.

This playlist or 'Internal Representation' comes on automatically as we go through different situations and emotions in life, sometimes defining our behaviours, actions and even our mindsets.  It's never a constant theme, and sometimes, it is extremely hard to switch off.  So we end up more mentally tired than physically tired, and want to withdraw from the world.

Suppose we tried to consciously control the Internal Personal Playlist by choosing what to play?  How might we control this? What might happen?  

For a start, we could acknowledge what is going on around us, and also acknowledge what we are doing in response to the playlist.  We can try to change the playlist.  In the world of Emotional Intelligence, Strengths and Positive Psychology, this means developing deep awareness of what's on our playlist in a given moment.  

The implications of the playlist are many.  But more importantly, what's on your playlist this week? and next month? 

Share your comments on your playlist here

Career Advice to get to success

Check out this article for some great advice on your career, no matter what your field is, this is about behaviours to get to success.


https://thriveglobal.com/stories/14-executives-on-the-career-advice-theyre-thankful-they-took/?utm_content=buffer9cbe9&utm_medium=Arianna&utm_source=LinkedIn&utm_campaign=Buffer

Your Choice

Always Remember That Where You Are Is A Result Of Who You Were, But Where You Go Depends Entirely On Who You Choose To Be, From This Moment On. ~~ Hal Elrod, The Miracle Morning

Thanks to Uma Karunakaran for sharing this.